She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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