I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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