Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
