i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
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So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
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WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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