Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
