My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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