We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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