perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
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I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
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He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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