I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
