I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
