I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
