remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
