Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
