if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
where are you?
Hypothermia
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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