I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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