im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
