I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
