so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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