I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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