Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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