I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
