I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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