We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
