She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
