My brain says no but my pants say off.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
