I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
