oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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