the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
