hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
