.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
