Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
