The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You're a waste of cheezeits
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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