Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
