i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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