The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
