apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
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If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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