If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
