Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
