The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
