Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
