I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
