Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He told me they were just razor bumps!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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