Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
