3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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