If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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