I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
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I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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