i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
