forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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