Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
