is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
