I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Do vagina's smell?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
