u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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