Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
