I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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