then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Randomize
