if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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