The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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