two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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