and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I met the friendliest cop last night
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
