You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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