Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I had to cum in my sink.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
