I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
