He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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