Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
