Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
