Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
